The dark side of perfectionism

From the kitchen window, I look out over a winter landscape that stretches as far as the eye can see. The snow cover is thick and white, and the sun slowly brightens the sky with its pale rays. The view has been my companion throughout the writing process of the book. I have seen all the seasons pass by through the window, and each time it has given me inspiration for new stories. I have followed how nature has changed, from the green and blooming spring to the colorful and crisp autumn, and from the cold and dark winter to the bright and warm summer.

It's probably no secret that the book almost didn't happen. I rewrote it several times before I was even halfway satisfied. But in just two months, I had four publishing houses that wanted to publish it, but even then I wasn't sure if the text was good enough. I was afraid of getting negative reviews, of not living up to readers' expectations, of not being able to convey my message effectively. I came close to giving up several times, but something inside me kept driving me to keep going.

I have always been a perfectionist. I have always wanted to perform at the top and be the best version of myself. In my head, I have always had high expectations of myself, and the times I have not met those expectations, I have always felt like a failure and inadequate. I have always believed that these high expectations have been a good way to motivate me, but instead, I have realized that they have been a destructive mindset that has destroyed my self-esteem.

In most cases, I have met the expectations of my peers. But instead of taking pride in my accomplishments, I have often criticized myself and compared myself to others. This has led to feelings of inadequacy and self-blame. I have never been able to fully appreciate my successes, and I am always worried about making mistakes.

This mindset has caused me to lose to myself many times. For every "mistake" I have made, I have dug myself into a deeper hole. Imagine the thought of waking up every morning and looking in the mirror and seeing a failure in front of you. If you do this for a few weeks, months, or years, you start living in your head instead of the real world. Your entire waking life is spent analyzing how unsuccessful you are.

As I write in my book, my life is not a definite answer to how to successfully change your life. I have found my own ways to "survive" life and feel as good as possible given my own circumstances.

It's important to remember that we are not our thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts, and they don't have to be true. It's also important to remember that everyone makes mistakes. It's a part of life. Don't ever trust someone who claims they've never made a mistake. It's not the mistakes that define us, but how we handle them, how we learn from them, and how we grow from them. We're not perfect, and we're not supposed to be.

If you feel like the perfectionist in you is limiting your life, here are some of my tips:

Identify your negative thoughts and beliefs. What are you saying to yourself? What do you believe about yourself?

Challenge your negative thoughts. Ask yourself if they are true. Are there any evidence that they are true?

Focus on your strengths and positive qualities. What are you good at? What do you like about yourself?

Spend a lot of time with animals. The best thing about animals is that they will never judge you or see you as a problem. You will receive the unconditional love that we need to be strong.

If you have negative experiences in your past that have contributed to you being your own worst enemy, it may be a good idea to seek professional help. A therapist can help you process these experiences and develop positive thoughts and attitudes about yourself.